Home » Ibrahim » On parenting and balance

On parenting and balance

Blogging has taken such a back seat in my life these days. I really miss the hay days. When each post by a fellow blogger was a playground for us bloggers. The fight to be the first one to comment. The leg-pulling and all the madness that unfolded. That made blogging worthwhile. It was the blog-samaj rather than the blogging that I enjoyed more. I am sure a lot is still happening out there. Just that I am no more part of it. Not up to it anymore. Work has engulfed so much of my time that I no longer am able to blog regularly. And now I think I may never be able to do so. Or atleast till I have another baby! 😉

Regular followers and readers of this blog have always stated that my best posts were on my son Ibrahim and my experiences as a father. Ibrahim is two and a half years old now. And though I still enjoy and relish this wonderful feeling of being a parent, I have gotten used to it now. And with Ibrahim getting mischievous with each passing day, most of my time now goes in stopping him and telling him what’s right or wrong. He still is a darling. And my only regret with him is when I have to scold him about something. Poor guy hugs me and cries. Heartbreaking but necessary for a balanced upbringing. Sometimes I wonder if I am expecting too much out of him? He still is only 2 n a half yrs old. Cannot expect him not be naughty. Infact I would be worried if he did not break stuff or be noisy or make a mess. Where do we, as parents, draw the line between parenting and pampering? Yet to figure this one out. I think I am mostly laboring, rather unnecessarily, in the parenting space than the pampering space.

What effect does too many ‘NO’ have on a child? Does it curb his natural instincts? Would it stop him for doing something creative just because he may get ‘yet’ another NO from his dad or mom? We have always tried to give a healthy, balanced environment for him to grow. But it is the nuances of life that end up dominating our reactions. Sometimes we may react harshly just because we had a lousy day at work. That is where I expect to balance myself. He should receive only what he deserves. Good or bad. Not more. Not less. That is what I am going to strive for. Balance.

We have four other kids in the house. Even that makes a big difference. Mostly in a good way. Though sometimes we have to scold him for being over-enthusiastic with his siblings. Ibrahim has an aggressive way of expressing his emotions. He will hug you but tightly, he will kiss you but strongly. And then there is the sibling rivalry. Everyone wants that one toy. Nevermind if there are 10 other toys like that lying around. They still want that one which the other is holding. A lot of our time is spent in just monitoring and mostly stopping him from doing things coz it may result in hurting his siblings. Sometimes it worries me. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I know it is always healthy to have kids around kids. But like I mentioned earlier, it also means over monitoring and over caution!

I think all I need is more patience. Kids are kids. They are going to get on your nerves. Like it or not. With a little more patience, I may be able to balance my reactions, both good and bad. And maybe then I can claim that I am half-good as a father. He may start kindergarten (or nursery) this coming April so that automatically reduces our time with him. What I  really want is him to be ready. Not academically. Let the teachers handle that. But I want him to be ready psychologically. To be bold and strong. And not be scared of bullies. I want this because I know he has some weird fears and phobias. And always seeks confirmation on things before doing anything (Not when he is onto something naughty or mischievous. That he does without a hint of doubt).

Or maybe I don’t need to do anything at all. I may just be reading too much into this. I am not sure. That’s for sure.

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10 thoughts on “On parenting and balance

  1. Good one… It will be a wonderful world if all parents share similar thoughts as you do… I completely agree with you that kids should be given some space and their should be a fine balance between parenting and pampering!!

  2. Watching them grow is an experience… I mean we learn so much right ? sometimes confusing and yet sometimes we find the way… !

    and ofcourse kids must be kids !

  3. @blogging…….life happens :-)!!!!!!!

    Relax Ibrahim is only 2& a 1/2……when u look back a few yrs from now u’ll understand.

    “Ibrahim has an aggressive way of expressing his emotions. He will hug you but tightly, he will kiss you but strongly.”
    He’s adorable……I’m thinking there’s so much love in his tiny lil heart. I get it tht u r saying it intimidates the other kids. So show him how to do it….show him once, twice…..he may forget so show him 10 times and it will slowly impress itself in the mind.
    So many times we scold a child for doing something wrong[in our eyes] but it doesnt occur to us to show them the right way.

    Its a proven fact that most of us are always strict[as in wanting to do the right thing] with the first-born but with the 2nd issue we relax a bit……umm actually a lot. And guess what, both turn out good 😀

    U write very well Masood, I hope u wont quit blogging…..post whenever u want but dont leave too long a gap btn posts 🙂

    • I cannot thank you enough, Nancy.
      Honestly, I have been worried sick about Ibrahim and our parenting. And it is one hell of a consolation to know we are on the right track.
      Yes, you are right when you say he has so much love in his tiny lil heart. He may get really excited about something and end up biting you. Has happened once but not since then. Poor guy realized he made a mistake right away. But this does not really go down too well with the other kids at times. Plus there is always the sibling rivalry. Managing all these dynamics is actually becoming quite a challenge.
      That is what we are trying to do now. Physically showing him things many many times so that he eventually realizes how it is to be done. He is a tough nut to crack though. Doesn’t accept directions too easily! :p

      Thanks Nancy. I don’t intend to quit but posting regularly is also not possible. But it is comments like yours that will keep me going 🙂

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