Weddings are complicated. Not only for the bride and groom, who take their vows and promise to spend the rest of eternity together, but also for everyone else. Strange things happen during weddings. Some of consequence while others, not worth a dime.
I attended a wedding yesterday. A reception actually. It was alright. Usual stuff. You know whats the worst part about such weddings and receptions? That, by the time everything gets wrapped it, its way past midnight. And y’know whats the problem with that? Finding a god-damn parking when you get back home! I mean, what am I supposed to be do with my car at 1 am in the morning? Shove it up my…err back pocket or drive it right into the lobby of my building, or better yet, might as well just sleep in it!
Common sense prevailed and I chose the obvious. Park the car along with 3 other cars that are blocking a dozen other cars and leave my phone number on the dashboard. We do that quite often. Infact people leave their cell phone numbers on the dashboard all the time regardless of the parking space or time. Anyways, so at 1.30 am, I hit the sack wondering which kind soul will act as my alarm the following morning and hoping as hell no jerk decides to take his car out at any other ungodly hour. The alarm did ring and it sure was my cell phone. But the one I set. For 6.10 am. I woke up and wondered why hasn’t anyone called me yet. I ponder for a minute. Should I just go down, move the car, come back and then get ready for work? Or should I quickly take a shower, dress up and then go down, once and for all, and leave for work? The chose the second option. Option 1 was obsolete. If no cars have moved yet, then how is 6.15 am any different from 1.15 am? With enough calculations by the minute to even make Kip Thorne blush, I stepped into the shower.
But even Thorne cannot account for Murphy’s law. At exactly that precise moment when the shampoo and shower gel are doing what they do best, quite uncharacteristically, the cell phone rings.
Sometimes I wish I was sloshed at such times with not a care of the world. But then how drunk is drunk enough? As said by Matt Damon in The Legend of Bagger Vance, “You see every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells. Now that doesn’t much matter ‘cos we got billions more. And first the sadness cells die so you smile real big. And then the quiet cells go so you just say everything real loud for no reason at all. That’s ok, that’s ok because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real smart. And finally, come the memory cells. These are tough sons of bitches to kill.” Guess being a teetotaler has its advantages.
By the way, this one’s not worth a dime.